Reflections Pt 4: 1 Year Surviving and Thriving Celebration
I continue to marinate in the yummy feelings from our 1 year surviving and thriving weekend celebrations; I remain in awe of the whole experience.
I felt anxious leading up to the party. Planning a gathering is hard, my upcoming surgeries occupied my mind, and I had many contradicting thoughts and feelings: I recognized that holding a life celebration was both a weird thing to do and the right thing (for me); I wanted people to celebrate my survival (and thrival 😁), knew I would be the center of attention, and still didn’t love the idea of all eyes and focus on me; I was excited to bring people together, hoped everyone would enjoy themselves, and worried in the back of my heart/mind that people wouldn’t come.
I feel reassured, full of warmth, and lifted up by everyone’s presence. The breadth of community who showed up, traveling from near and far, to celebrate with us was above and beyond. I find comfort in the glowing, wonderful memories I can return to any time, especially for a pick me up.
Thank you to all who were there physically and in spirit!
Photos 6-10 by Silvana Palacios: @silvanap28
I also want to acknowledge that there’s something of a dichotomy in the feelings from the weekend and the general sentiments shared by others, and in how I walk through the world on a day-to-day basis.
For one, I am learning how to hold both being an inspiration and continuing to find inspiration myself. It builds me up to hear that I am inspiring others and also, I can’t let that consume me or be my sole drive. I have to keep going for me.
Similarly, it feels good to hear positive comments about my appearance, that I am beautiful, fit, strong, etc. I believe these things to be true, and don’t always feel them myself. My being is drastically different than she was before. I am still getting used to her and getting to know her!
Having such a wonderful experience over the weekend leading up to the actual 1 year accident-iversary made the official day less heavy. I didn’t consciously plan it that way, and it seemed to diffuse the potential distress in remembering a day that will forever carry a deep wound. I went to bed that day with a funny thought… I’ll never be 1 again! More soon.
