May 28th - July 16th, 2024
Tuesday May 28th - Tuesday July 16th
Medical Updates
Mouth
6/8 Orthodontist: She was pleased to see good progress, added more top to bottom rubber bands and for the next month was wearing 3 during the day and 5 at night. Woke up in a lot of pain after the first night so took it slow getting back to wearing full time. She said that my oral surgeon doesn’t think there’s anything else to be done or specialists to see right now, we will keep making orthodontic progress, and see where things are / how teeth handle it, etc. and reassess when the braces come off. My bite is still off and we are trying to shift the top jaw over; next time we will likely add more flexibility to the bottom jaw wire so it can expand to meet the top - a bit of a shift in strategy as we were hoping to get the top to meet the bottom without any movement down there. She did say she hopes we can be done with braces by the end of the year, which would be amazing! I was expecting to keep them until at least May of 2025.
6/26 Dentist: He took another panoramic x-ray (see here) to check the health of my teeth and everyone continues to look happy in there; we will continue checking every 3 months. He worked on the muscles of my jaw and some nerves that continue to be numb using laser therapy, which we will also continue to do. I really love him and his office and am so happy to have found them.
7/10 Orthodontist: She again was very happy with my progress and decided not to make any changes to the bottom wire or teeth at this time. I don’t need to wear any top to rubber bands this next month either! The space between my two front teeth has gotten wider (see here), so now the goal is to reduce the space there and bring the 2 lateral teeth on each side out a little bit more. Having this extra gap reminds me of how I looked before I had braces back in middle school and how my dad wanted me to keep the gap 😊
Eyes
7/10 Oculoplastic Surgeon follow-up: he is so happy with my progress that I don’t need to see him again unless things change! It is important to keep massaging the scar under my eye to keep the eyelid from pulling back down, but ultimately, he was very happy.
Skin graft update: When I originally learned they were taking skin from behind my ear to put below my eye, I made jokes about how my face was going to grow long hairs since I have a lot of hair back there… and all of a sudden Patrick noticed that my scar is, in fact, starting to grow long blonde hairs (yikes! see here if you dare). It is horrifying and also hilarious. The surgeon said it is fine to do electrolysis (which he recommends) or waxing or really anything to remove it at this point would be safe since the scar is so well healed.
General scar healing and color: He suggested seeing a dermatologist in 3 more months to assess whether they can do anything to help with the coloring of my facial scars with the goal of helping them blend in more.
Vision: My vision has not improved and I’m still having a lot of trouble with lights and reflections and am not comfortable driving at night. This may just be the way things are, but I am set for a neurology evaluation in October which may help find the cause and a pathway to address it.
Dryness: I am still having a lot of dryness of the eyes and using eye drops all day as well as gel at night; this, too, may just be the reality. My underlying health condition of Sjogren’s causes dry eyes and I struggled with it prior to my injuries, but it certainly is worse that it was pre-collision.
Orthopedic
Knees and R Hip: I am approved for bilateral knee MRIs which is very exciting and decided to wait to schedule and try to get my hip approved too. The surgeon sent the hip request to my insurance this week, so hopefully it is approved soon and I can get them all done at the same time. I have to go to a facility in Santa Fe that has metal reduction technology and would ideally only travel once. It is frustrating to still have so much pain in these areas and unknown causes but also great progress to have the next step on the way.
L Arm and Hand: For the past few months I have been seeing an occupational therapist/certified hand specialist and she has helped me a lot with the continued pain in my arm. We’ve worked on scar/nerve/tissue mobilization to release the stuck-ness along my forearm, including manual therapy and taping, and more recently have realized that my hand and wrist need more help than we originally thought. We did a full work up of the hand and wrist and learned that my hand doesn’t quite remember how to behave as a hand, so I have daily exercises to remind it how to perform. These take about 30 minutes in total, which adds up when you do it daily! But, they are helping. I’m also wearing a wrist widget brace that helps with the pain in my ulnar wrist attachment area. It is likely that the ligaments there have become loose and aren’t quite stabilizing the wrist as they should, so this will hopefully help the ligaments stabilize over the next few months. In my last appointment (7/16), we discussed that I’ll see her one more time and do a re-evaluation and she will teach me how to do the manual therapy techniques at home as well as any future progressions of my exercises. We have pretty much exhausted what she can do for me and discussed that I might consider seeing the orthopedic hand specialist to assess whether it would benefit me further to remove the plate.
PT: I continue PT weekly to work on my knees and hip, though we really are working on full body strengthening. We’re focusing on hip stabilizers and back body right now and it feels good to have exercises, constantly update my routine, work with someone who knows the rest of my team and who I enjoy working with. I’ve been doing cardio and a warmup on the elliptical and have worked my way up to 1.6 miles; it feels good to push myself in this way that she says is safe for my body and healing.
I am still having a lot of pain throughout my entire body and face and feel kind of like I have plateaued at this level which is good, in ways, and also hard. We just keep moving forward and seeing what we can do! There are more therapies and exploration to be had and it is always a balancing act of what is the right amount of appointments/providers to juggle at a given time.
General
I’m hoping to see my Co Springs facial reconstructive surgeon in August for a check in on my scar healing and possible next steps to reduce their appearance.
I’ve started seeing my behavioral health therapist more frequently and am so grateful to have her on my team, along with the other Taos providers I see mostly weekly. She is helping me process my grief and trauma and work through what I need to as I am ready. I am still not ready to go too deep because I am, as she says, in the middle of a war that I need to keep fighting. I’ll know when the time is right to get to the deep stuff. I feel ready at times, because I have a lot of hurt and trauma within me that creates an underlying level of hyper-vigilance that I want to work on (and don’t want to live with), though I know it is still not the right time. We are working on my overwhelm and anxiety/depression and PTSD as we can.
One tidbit from a recent session: I explained that I have grief in the phases I have gone through with my recovery - for example, when I was in the hospital, I got to know that setting really well and got good at it. Sometimes I miss this phase. Or, living at my moms, or waiting for the next surgery, or, or, or… This is the grief I am referring to. She’s helped me to think about the different phases of this recovery as containers or islands that I get to know well, learn how to handle and succeed in the challenges, and I begin to feel somewhat safe. When something changes like a new provider added or a provider breaks up with me (for good reason), I feel unsafe, lost, and ultimately some grief. And when I really think about it that’s just how the phases of life go, and maybe typically one has more control over the changes where most of this feels very out of my control.
I hope soon to work on my trauma related to travel and being away from home, from Patrick, from my mom and brother. I feel sad and scared to leave, feeling like maybe I won’t see them again or something bad will happen. I know it is unfounded and it won’t hold me back, but it is there and important to acknowledge. Travel used to be so easy for me and now it is ridden with trauma that I feel deep in my entire being and have to recognize, let it be there, and also not allow it to control me. I refuse to live in fear <3
I truly have an amazing team and am so lucky! I continue to have 5-8 appointments every week, with different forms of body work and pain treatments, behavioral health, energy work, primary care, orthopedic, occupational and physical therapy… it sure does feel like a lot! I’ve tried to reduce the frequency of some, and things get worse, so for now I need to keep it as is. We’re always evaluating and trying to reduce the amount of things I have going on.
I’'ll be going to Denver to do neuro-psych testing as we realized this was never done post-collision and should be evaluated just to be sure. I’m trying to track down my previous neuro-psych testing records as I know I had this done in 2016 or 2017 after a TBI. It has been surprisingly hard to find the records but I am continuing to explore options.
I’ve been asked to do an Independent Medical Evaluation for the lawsuit, which I know is a common thing in personal injury cases. It is giving me a bit of anxiety just knowing I’ll be looked at by someone I don’t know for I imagine at least a half day - how could someone write a report that truly understands and encompasses what I have and continue to go through in just this short time!
General Updates and Happenings
Disability benefits: I continue to spend a lot of time on the phone every few weeks trying to get ahold of the person processing my application to understand where things are. It has been in the “medical review” phase for many months. In my last phone conversation, I let them know that many of my providers I’ve checked in with have never received a record request from them. She said they had sent requests earlier this year, then double checked, only to learn that the requests hadn’t actually gone out properly… ay yai yai. But, now they have gone out.
My primary care doctor advised me to expect this process to take up to 5 years and recommended against finding an attorney to help as they take a chunk of the limited benefits that you receive. I have heard though that attorneys can cut the timeline to 2 years, so found someone to have an initial conversation with. I spoke with an attorney’s office and now understand what they can do for me - I am strongly considering hiring them even though they will take whatever is less out of 25% or $7200 from what I get awarded in back pay.
Victim’s Compensation Fund: I have applied for the victim’s compensation fund through the DA’s office where the criminal case has been filed and hope to hear back after July 20th. They’ll have to make an exception for me as the victim is supposed to apply within 1 year of the crime, but I was never informed of this fund and they are likely to make an exception. There’s hope!
Work: I continue to not have the capacity to work on top of the full time job of coordinating and navigating all of my care, doing the things I need to do to heal, and working on the lawsuit. I had a good conversation with my financial advisor recently about how I can take money out of my retirement accounts without penalty - great news! And also hard on the heart. I am grateful to have the accounts I worked so hard to build back when I worked at UNM and it feels somewhat defeating to begin depleting those, too. But, it is way better than asking to borrow money from family or friends and continue to feel so dependent in that way.
Lawsuit: We’re still hoping for trial in November, though there is always a possibility that we will settle before then or that it will get delayed. I’m so hopeful that it will all work out and the unknowns associated with this process certainly contribute to my hyper-vigilance and anxiety.
I’ve been traveling a lot and doing fun things (finally!) which feels so good and also contributes, in ways, to my overwhelm. When spending more time away from home, I am either missing appointments and home workouts and/or cramming them in when I am home. It makes it hard to be present when I’m running around all the time. I feel like I have too many things on my plate. With all this fun I am having, I sometimes even mull over the questions of whether I deserve to have fun, how do I pay for it, am I putting myself in a bind, should that time be used for trying to work, aaaaand it hinders my ability to keep up with my appointments and everything else I need and want to do to heal. I also know that having fun and connecting with people is important for healing and it is all about balance. Summer tends to be a busier time for everyone and how lucky am I to get opportunities to do fun things with family and friends. I’ve done the following in the last month and a half:
Albuquerque for Patrick’s dad’s wedding
Puerto Peñasco for 9 days - Patrick and I so needed the escape and time away together! My sister let us stay in her condo right on the beach, ahhhh. We relished in having zero plans and obligations and it felt a little bit like a taste of what life could be like without all this stress. The last couple of days were hard, knowing what we had to go back to.
Denver for Parcels at Red Rocks and a couple of days with my mom. Really great visit and never feels like long enough at home.
Camping at Santa Barbara Campground with Patrick’s mom and family - this ended up being 20 people total and we had a really fun time! It was nice to get to know some family I hadn’t spent much time around before, and to be outside and sleep in our camper van
Friends in town for the 4th of July and Avett Brothers at Kit Carson Park - always yummy to have friends visit!
I just got home from a trip to Vegas with a gf who treated me to a girl’s trip for a few days. We saw Dead & Company at the Sphere, what an amazing and indescribable experience! I also got to see my siblings and nieces/nephew as they were in town celebrating my niece’s a 21st bday.
Continuing to play volleyball at least once a week, which is pretty amazing that I can do! It increases my pain but as long as I go back to baseline my providers think it is safe for me to do.
Our yard and garden are looking amazing! We spend a lot of time cultivating our healing and peaceful home and are growing vegetables and flowers, have done some landscaping, and constantly thinking up ways to improve our space. We really love it.
On the Horizon
Weekly appts in Taos: bodywork, pain management, chiropractic and myofascial, PT, OT, behavioral health
TBD (end of July/early Aug): Knee and hip MRIs in Santa Fe
TBD (end of July/early Aug): neuro-psych evaluation in Denver
TBD in July: Independent Medical Evaluation
8/7: ABQ Orthodontist
8/28: Co Springs Facial Reconstructive Surgeon (hopefully)
9/4: ABQ Orthodontist
10/29: ABQ Neurologist
November: Trial in Denver
