Aug-Sept 2023
Wednesday July 26th - Thursday August 10th
Medical Updates
Face: 7/26 Face surgeon appt in Co Springs: it was so nice to see him! He is super happy with how my face scars are healing and after all skeletal surgeries are complete and healed, we will discuss additional cosmetic surgeries to continue getting my face close to what it looked like before.
Arm:
8/4 ABQ arm surgeon follow up was wonderful. The surgery worked and the fracture line is no longer visible. Goodbye grubby and stinky splint! Hello normal activity with a 15lb weight limit for about 6 weeks, increasing as I feel able with pain as my guide. She said I can even try playing volleyball in 6 weeks… let’s goooo!
PT: Since getting cleared to use my left arm again, I am back to lifting weights (deadlifts and squats with weights) and doing my full pilates reformer workout with several different arm strengthening exercises. It feels so good to be back at it and have my arm back.
Other progress: I’m able to do so many things more easily now that I can use my arm again! Cooking, gardening, cleaning, even picking up dog poo in the yard which is silly to be happy about, but it all feels wonderful.
Mouth:
8/8 ABQ dentist: this appointment was for a general cleaning and exam, plus a gingivectomy (laser removal of gum tissue) and inlay on a fractured tooth… a 3 hour appointment! It took 4 tries to properly numb the area for the gingivectomy and inlay, due to how my facial fractures occurred at the area of nerve innervation. The numbing part was very uncomfortable and the procedure itself went well. They removed gum tissue to expose the entire fracture, which unfortunately goes down into the root area of the tooth. If exposed at the root level, I would need a full root canal so they only decided to only expose and cover the area above the root. It is likely I will lose this tooth eventually but the inlay will work to cover and protect it while I wait for surgery.
8/9 Orthodontist: 3/4 of my mouth is now at the wire strength we need for my jaw surgery, and the other 1/4 will be there after my next appointment on 9/6. She planned to let the oral surgery team know when they met today (8/10) and she thinks it is likely we will schedule a surgery date in October. This is very exciting news and I'm also not getting my hopes too high as the oral surgery team may have other plans we don't know about. Hoping for more info soon!
General: I continue my regular appts in Taos: chiropractor, body/energy work, movement therapy, massage, pain injection specialist, behavioral health. These all still feel very necessary and important, and also, take up a lot of time and coordination to make it all happen.
Other updates and happenings:
My dad’s 85th bday would have been on 7/30. I enjoyed the day home by myself and planted some new flowers for him. He has very been present these past weeks, I posted some thoughts about grief on my learnings page.
On 7/31, Patrick and I decided to go camping at one of our favorite places (Rio Costilla) and it turned into a surprise engagement! I posted this announcement with photos on social media.
We’ve had a lot of fun social events since I got home from Denver: volleyball and celebratory night with friends at the local volleyball bar and venue, volleyball at the park, and a friend’s 40th birthday at the river. At the birthday party we even inflated inner tubes and did a short float, my first since the accident which was so enjoyable!
During our time in Albuquerque for my mouth appointments 8/8-9, we stayed with Patrick’s mom and husband and they took us out for a yummy Indian food dinner. I also was treated to a free facial by a friend who owns a skin care place, this was my first facial and she made me feel so comfortable, sparkly, and nourished! What a lovely experience.
Work/income: I am still not in a place where I have the capacity to work very much, and haven’t had a paycheck since June. I am still waiting to hear about my short term disability application and need to start bothering them more to get an answer, though I am resistant to spending hours on the phone now that I’m finally not doing this for insurance anymore.
I've decided to have a big 1 year "surviving and thriving" celebration in Taos on October 14th, the Saturday of my 1 year accident-iversary. More details coming soon but it will be at a local volleyball bar and venue space that our friend recently opened. All who can make it and want to celebrate with us are welcome. So much love!
As I get ready to post this, I realize that my posts have recently become shorter and less filled with reflection. I have been journaling and writing a lot, and will continue to post more learnings and reflections on my new learnings page as I feel ready to share. Thank you for engaging with me and my thoughts. I often think about how lucky and supported I have been through this recovery, and continue to be filled with immense gratitude for all that have been involved. You all mean so much to me, thank you for being here, with me, through all of this.
Friday August 11th - Thursday August 24th
General updates and happenings:
Patrick and I had plans to go to Durango for a long weekend with friends and he sadly woke up sick and tested positive for COVID the morning we were supposed to leave. I had no symptoms and decided to go without him, just me and the dogs. This was my first time driving out of state by myself since the accident and all went smoothly! It was a really lovely getaway with close friends and the pups, our airBNB was right by the river and we could easily walk down to spend time riverside. We ate good food, saw a lot of friends, hung out by the river, and enjoyed time away. I was conscious of how hard eating is for me and especially, eating and socializing at the same time. Going out to eat was still very fun but the food part was not very enjoyable for me.
On the last day of the trip, I woke up feeling sick with a sore throat and cough, and was luckily able to drive home with getting too tired. I pretty much napped the rest of the day after getting home early afternoon. COVID tests are hard to come by in Taos but Patrick was able to find some on Thursday, and as we guessed I would, I tested positive for COVID. I was feeling grateful that, if I had to get sick and quarantine, I got to be with my animals, fiance (still feels fresh and silly to call him that!), and beautiful garden and outdoor space. I also was recently loaned a DJ setup from a good friend, and am enjoying playing around with music and learning how to DJ on and off when not resting.
1 Year Celebration: We’re working on more details for our big 1 year "surviving and thriving" celebration in Taos on October 14th, the Saturday of my 1 year accident-iversary. The event will be held at KTAOS, which is a local volleyball bar and venue space that our friend recently re-opened. The event will go from 4-midnight, with sand volleyball, live music (more details coming soon), and food and drinks for purchase. We’re excited to partner with our friend to support their new business and celebrate life with all of our family and friends. All who can make it and want to celebrate with us are welcome!
Income: I had still not heard from or been able to check the status of my social security disability benefit application online and finally had it in me to call them. Over two different days, I spent about 2 hours on hold and finally spoke to someone. My application is still in process and there is nothing more needed from me. The person I spoke to said that it can take up to 5 months, I told her it had been 6.5, and she said “well, it can take longer, there’s no estimated date of completion, just keep your eye out for mail from us.” So, the waiting game continues. I continue to know it is the right decision for me to continue taking a break from work at this time. I simply do not have the capacity for more than what I'm currently dealing with.
Medical Updates:
General: With going away for 4 days and then getting COVID and needing to rest, it felt weird (but also right) to not be doing my home PT routine as I typically do. I have done only four PT lite sessions, skipping the cardio, in the past three weeks. COVID sure brought on more muscle tightness and joint aches and pains than I was having before, good thing I have a solid team of providers to help get me back on track. I’m seeing my pain injection specialist tonight and hope to get back in the groove with full home PT tomorrow!
PT: We took a short break from PT appointments while I wasn't able to lift weights or use my left arm. I had enough exercises to continue building on my own that it didn't feel necessary to keep going in for appointments. Now that I am ready to dive back in, due to how referrals and tracking work, I need to get new referrals. Upon reaching out to my leg surgeon for another referral, I was again reminded of how wacky the system is. A referral can only be written for one body part and a patient can only work on one referral at a time, due to insurance limitations. It can't be uncommon to need to rehab multiple injuries at one time, can it? Also, while tracking what's happening to tell the right story in a lawsuit, how can you do this if you are technically going to PT for only one femur yet need to rehab your entire body...? It is so confusing and yet another example of how the system is not set up in the patient's best interest.
Arm: It continues to feel amazing to have my arm back and I am having minimal pain with increased activity, so very exciting progress on that front. I am eager to play around with the volleyball and see how it feels to bump and hit 😊
Mouth:
I was pretty sore for the first week or so after getting my braces adjusted and having the gingivectomy/inlay procedure, but that has finally calmed down again. I have on and off pain and most other times, my mouth and lips are very numb.
I finally heard from the UNM oral surgery scheduler that my jaw surgery is scheduled for November 13th! This is the big surgery, called a segmental lefort, where the surgeons will remove plates that have been so carefully holding the pieces of my face back together, assess bone density and do bone grafts as needed, rebreak my upper jaw into 4 pieces, and put it back to together in proper alignment. This is the last plan I have heard, so of course, the plan could be slightly different than what I understand now - all part of the dance I am very well used to by now. It is scary and exciting to have a date set for the big surgery. This morning I was wandering around knowing I needed to eat breakfast, but with nothing sounding easy or yummy to me, and then heard about my surgery. Having an end in sight and the hope of eating normal food again is inspiring.
Friday August 25th - Thursday September 21st
General updates and happenings:
In general, I’m getting out and about a lot more (finally!), traveling to see friends and family, going to concerts and other events. It feels both wonderful and challenging to be out in the world doing “normal” things as it can bring up how not normal I feel. All in all it is good to be back out there doing more and especially as we approach 1 year post-accident.
Grief: I’ve been having more strong waves of grief lately, perhaps because I am getting farther away from survival mode and slowly integrating more. The waves typically come on when I’m home or driving, so I can mostly just be with all of the feelings and thoughts and watch/feel them move through me. I’m working through this by myself, with my therapist and other providers, and with those close to me. I’m once again so grateful for all the support I have in this life.
8/30 - 9/2 Chicago Trip: I traveled to visit some very close friends and had a wonderful time in the city, spending two nights at one house and two at another. We enjoyed eating out, walking around, light shopping, I was honored to watch one friend in a shuffle dance competition and then to meet the other’s baby (!), we went on Lake Michigan two days in a row, and saw the Magic City Hippies. Getting to spend this time with two of my dearest friends was really heart filling. I came home exhausted and with a very full cup.
Homefront: Coming home to a beautiful garden that had really exploded while I was away, a happy kitty and puppies, and happy birds, felt great. The day after I got home I picked up 27 eggs from the bird run! I love that they are self sustaining; I sell the excess duck eggs and what we make back pays for the bird food.
Home PT and Progress: I continue to experience occasional frustration with the plateau or slower progress while doing my same PT exercises I have been doing for some time, and also know that I continue to make amazing progress. What a funny double mind / experience to have.
Volleyball: In the last month I’ve played volleyball three times! It feels AMAZING to be back out there and I’ve had minimal pain while playing, with soreness and aching after but all is manageable. I am so happy.
Hiking: Patrick and I went on a 2 mile hike with more elevation gain than I have done thus far! Onwards and upwards 😊
Leadership Retreat: A dear friend who I met through work in 2014 and have done some consulting with held a retreat at Hotel Luna Mystica last week for a group of women leaders working in public health consulting. I was honored, and nervous, to be invited to join. Ultimately, I felt seen, supported, built up, connected, and inspired. It was hard and good for me to push myself in that way. I didn’t feel fully like I belonged or would have anything to contribute because of the way my life has been over the past year, but I did belong and I did contribute and I did grow. Another heart filling experience!
9/15-18 Denver trip: Patrick and I traveled to Denver to see my mom and go to a concert with friends at the Mishawaka in Fort Collins. It was so nice to be back at my mom’s house and spent time with her, I miss her! Then having a night with friends who are like family filled my cup as well. This was a lovely way to feel alive and celebrate (without announcement) that it was my 11 month accidentiversay. I left both wanting more time in Denver and also ready to be home.
Medical updates:
Mouth:
9/6 Orthodontist appointment: she increased the wire strength on the top one last time and gave the go ahead for surgery in November (from her perspective). We’ll have an appointment on 10/4 to do surgery records including x-rays, imprints, and 3d scans and another on 10/24 to add surgical hooks to my braces wires, pending guidance from the oral surgery team. Post surgery she expects that I’ll be wired shut for a period of time and also have to wear a splint, that we’ll have a 2 week check in to make sure the braces are still in proper position, and then resume appointments every 4 weeks for 6-12 months depending on how the surgery and healing go.
Oral surgery team: I still haven’t heard anything from the oral surgery team about what prep is needed for surgery. Based on previous conversations, I assume I’ll need to schedule a CT scan, the team will then review this with other records for a surgical planning meeting, then I will have at least one appointment to go over the plan. My schedule is pretty hectic and on top of that, the last time I had to get a CT scan it was a shit show with insurance, so early planning is important to me. I reached out to my surgeon right after I got the surgery date, didn’t hear anything back, and then my orthodontist reached out after our appointment 9/6. I’m trying to continue holding hope for surgery to happen and am also beginning to wonder if it is realistic given the lack of communication. I also want my oral surgeon and original face surgeon to be in communication about some of the risks associated with removing plates from my original reconstruction, and this hasn’t happened yet. This surgery is on my mind a lot and it would make me feel much more safe and comfortable going into surgery if I knew the new oral surgeon and original facial reconstruction surgeon were on the same page. I plan to continue advocating for myself and what I need and am optimistic that I can get my needs met by this team.
Regular weekly appointments continue in Taos with an average of 4/week.
I’ve started seeing my massage therapist in her home when my ABQ travel gets in the way of her clinic schedule. I’m glad I can see her this way as she really helps me, but do have to pay more out of pocket for these appointments.
I’ve been on a break from PT appointments since my arm surgery and finally got a new referral to start back up again, but my preferred therapist is out and I don’t want to start with someone new. Given my busy schedule and upcoming surgeries, I’m mulling over whether to wait until I’m healed from jaw surgery or try to get in now. I have my routine and am able to modify/advance exercises as I feel able, so it does not feel like top priority, though I know it is helpful and important.
October-November schedule is going to be very busy! I still don’t have any pre or post op appointments scheduled for my jaw surgery, which will only add to the travel:
9/30-10/3 Denver
10/4 ABQ Orthodontist
10/14 1 Year Celebration in Taos
10/18 ABQ Eye surgery pre-op appointment
10/24 ABQ Orthodontist
10/27 ABQ Eye surgery
11/1 ABQ Eye surgery post-op appointment
11/10 ABQ Arm follow-up
11/13-14 ABQ Jaw surgery and hospital stay
11/29 ABQ post surgery orthodontist appointment
Friday September 22nd - Friday October 6th
General updates and happenings:
Income: I continue to not have the capacity for work and my savings is starting to get low. I, once again, will just say how grateful I am for all of the support that has helped to carry me this far. I called social security again, this time trying the local office instead of the number online. I was told that my application is in the medical review phase which can take up to 1 year. SIGH. They suggested I call HHS to check about local benefits and general support, though I know I won’t qualify because our household income is higher than what qualifies.I’m not willing to misinform them and it also is quite a privilege check as I know many other people need benefits and services more than I do, though I am very much struggling and could use support.
Routine: I am really enjoying my slow mornings, waking up whenever my body is ready after typically sleeping at least 8 hours, and sitting in our sunny living room with my heating pad, coffee, and book. I also have my wonderful fur family to keep me company and snuggle - someone is most always sitting on my lap while I read and enjoy my coffee. I then go outside to let the birds out, sit and meditate in the garden, tend to the plants and sometimes simply wander around enjoying being outside. I continue to have at least 3 and up to 6 appointments each week and somehow am able to keep this routine up most days. It is keeping me sane 😊
Feeling accomplished: I am working on letting go of my need to accomplish 3 PT sessions/week now that I am playing volleyball twice a week, walking and hiking more, gardening and doing other yard work, etc. It’s helpful to remember that any and all movement is positive and I don’t need to quantify/qualify my exercise. I am enough, whatever that looks like each week.
New exercise: I did my first yoga class since the accident this morning and wow did I surprise myself - I felt strong, present in my body, and free in my movement. Such an amazing feeling!
9/30-10/3 Denver Trip: Patrick and I went to Denver again for another Red Rocks show on Oct 1. We saw FKJ, one of our favorites, who was performing there for the first time. He has always put on a stunning show and this one did not disappoint! One of the best shows I have ever been to and with a wonderful group of friends. We also spent time with my mom which is always heart filling.
On the horizon: I am so excited to have the 1 year celebration in just one week! We have had ~150 RSVPs and cannot wait to celebrate with everyone - and those that aren’t there will be in spirit. As comes with the territory of party planning, I am also nervous and anxious, though I know it will turn out amazing and be wonderful simply to be together. I also have my two upcoming surgeries, the big jaw reconstruction I am still waiting on more information about, which of course adds to the anxiety. This has been affecting my ability to fall sleep some, though I continue to sleep at least 8 hours a night, so all in all I continue to manage well. When I remember, I set the intention to be present with whatever is right now and not keep worrying and thinking about what’s coming next… is it quite a balancing act and all I can say is I’m happy when I remind myself of this.
Medical updates:
Mouth
Oral Surgeon: I have been trying to track down more information about my upcoming surgery, with slow progress. I am trying to balance advocating for myself and what I need while also respecting my surgeon’s boundaries and not pushing to the point of hindering our relationship. I finally received a very minimal email from the oral surgeon outlining the steps he thinks will be needed including surgery records 2-3 weeks prior, pre-op appointment 1 week prior, and surgery on November 15th (I originally had November 13th on my calendar so this was a bit confusing). I responded asking for clarification about the date, relayed some of my questions/concerns and the hope of receiving a surgery plan in writing. I want to get my face surgeon’s input on the plan so he can ask questions if he has any - it would make my nervous system feel much better going into the surgery knowing that he is on the same page. I got a call 10/5 to schedule a pre-surgery appointment and was able to coordinate with my next orthodontist visit on 10/24. Slow but steady progress.
10/4 Orthodontist appointment: She still hadn’t heard from oral surgeon either but the second surgeon was in surgery with him that day and promised to bug him about it. She confirmed November 15th as the date of surgery and thinks I will likely wake up from surgery with a splint (like a hockey mouth guard) in my mouth, and my mouth wired shut, which will last for about 6 weeks. If any teeth need to be removed, they will either take them out during surgery if they are infected and put a placeholder in or leave them in as a placeholder to deal with later. I see her again to add wire hooks in prep for surgery on 10/24.
Eye surgery: remains scheduled for 10/27.
PT: I have still not seen my PT again since before my arm and mouth surgery on 6/6. Typically they call when they receive the referral and I haven’t heard from them; I also know my PT was out sick for awhile so she may not be back. Still feeling torn between working myself in before the next two surgeries, knowing I will have to take a break for several weeks/months while recovering, and waiting to go back after I am recovered.
