Jan 6th - 19th, 2024
Saturday January 6th - Friday January 19th
Medical updates:
Mouth:
11/17: Oral Surgeon: He was again so happy with how things are looking and doesn’t necessarily need to see me again until either 1) my braces come off or 2) my orthodontist thinks I need to see him. We took an x-ray (see here) that shows lots of new healthy bone from the grafting, especially the white arch across my upper jaw and around my sinuses. Woohoo for stability! He thinks there is sufficient bone for an implant or two on the upper left side when the time comes.
11/17 Orthodontist: Now have one wire across the top with the goal of expanding the left side and compressing right side to address cross bite and straighten out the top front teeth. Rubber bands top to bottom have increased in strength and now should try and wear all 5 day/night instead of 3 day and 5 night. Now I have 4 “buttons” on the inside of my teeth to hook the top to bottom bands - the rubberbands and buttons are irritating to both my teeth and to my tongue! Here’s a picture of the new set up. She didn’t see same as oral surgeon re: bone where I lost a tooth but thinks a graft is possible to do an implant. She’s trying to create space for this but may not be a full tooth.
I keep waking up with gritted and/or grinding teeth, it is hard to tell what exactly it happening but it is startling. Because of my top to bottom rubber bands and shifting bite, we can’t use a mouth guard yet and there isn’t sign of damage to my teeth. It seems that this started post surgery and wasn’t a behavior I unconsciously did before.
Eye:
Still having a lot of light and reflection sensitivity and continue to use eye drops throughout the day and ointment at night to help with dryness. I haven’t noticed any improvement and am eager to see my surgeon again on 1/23.
General:
My face is generally looking much more symmetrical and it’s easy to see now that much of the swelling has gone down - see here for healing photos almost daily since surgery.
Home PT: I’m slowly getting back into my PT workout routine and adding more exercises, and fighting through increased knee pain with all of this. The past week, with our attorneys in town and a full day deposition really took it out of me and I didn’t get to do my PT routine as much but this week am back at it and even did yoga this morning, which felt amazing.
I’ve been really struggling with fatigue that is hard to get past. I know I am healing, growing new bone, and building strength and that rest continues to be important.
My pain levels have increased since 1/11 deposition day, maybe in line with what my provider warned me about, that recounting my experience in a deposition (and even more so if we have to go to court) might exacerbate my symptoms, or could simply be what would have happened anyway. Hard to say. But, Friday 1/12 I caught up on phone calls and following up on things in the morning, went to an appointment, then felt good enough and even excited to run errands, and by the time I got home I was done for. I was really struggling to get my body comfortable for a few days, with intense back and ribcage instability, pain, and dysfunction making most movements hard. I was able to get it to calm down a bit on Sunday with muscle relaxants and by Monday was able to do my workout routine again. The pain is still there but dulled and I’m able to keep it under control with meds, a calming muscle balm, heat, rest, stretching, and hot tubs.
1/12 Chiropractor appointment: we did a full evaluation and had, for record keeping reasons, to put a pain scale number on every body part - that is so hard! My pain isn’t constant in any one area, and because I have so much pain all over, my brain can only listen to what is talking the loudest in any given moment - and I think I have gotten good, for better or for worse, as tuning out a lot of my pain. I can only listen to so much at one time; I think my body actually protects me in that I’m able to tune out much of the pain and discomfort.
In two weeks I am seeing another type of chiropractor who specializes in the very upper cervical spine, basically where the skull and spine connect; this provider has helped me significantly from previous injuries to the head and neck. She will evaluate my upper neck for any misalignment and may be able to help with my vision issues; I hadn’t thought about it before but now understand that until I have this evaluation and know what is going on with the upper cervical spine, I shouldn’t try to ski (damnit!).
We also discussed that my left hip continues to come out of place and it might be good to have an orthopedic eval and even MRI of my hip. In my appointment on 11/19, my hip was out again; we’ve discussed some changes I can make in how I sit, sleep, etc. and hopefully that will fix the issue but it could be something that needs further assessment.
Understanding my increased pain: One of my weekly providers shared a theory about my increased and nearly debilitating back pain post-deposition. Your kidneys are responsible for regulating stress hormones, which also can impact muscle tightness. I had a huge release of stress hormones during and after the deposition which could be at least partially responsible for the increased pain and spasm.
PTSD: We also discussed the trauma response to seeing my body and being essentially reminded of what happened, and that this is a complicated type of PTSD. It isn’t trauma from a singular event, but rather the daily reminders. The trauma also continues in everything I’m having to navigate and I may require specialized therapy to treat this when the time is right.
Taos orthopedic doctor finally accepted me as a patient so I am in for an initial evaluation on 2/21 - feels great to know I’ll be in the care of someone local for all of my orthopedic injuries (left arm, both femurs, both ankles).
I continue my weekly appointments and am up to having a total of 7 appointments some weeks; it is a lot to manage, but all of it feels important. I’m often having to make a last minute call to decide which appointment to move to the following week because it is simply too much.
General updates and happenings:
Lawsuit: The 1/11 deposition went better than any of us expected; we both did great and are happy to have it behind us. I was asked questions for 5.5 hours! It was exhausting and I felt mostly comfortable in my body and focused on what needed to be done, then when I was sitting in the background watching Patrick’s deposition I slowly but surely started to notice more pain throughout my entire body. My hackles were up, with pain between my shoulder blades, in my neck, head, and jaw, an aching ribcage, I couldn’t get my legs comfortable, and even my arm was aching. It didn’t quite feel real when it was all over. We are now in the process of discussing and setting up a mediation for a possible settlement in the next few months; let’s hope it continues to move smoothly! We have such a wonderful legal team and it was nice to be with them in person even though we were all working hard and a bit stressed.
More grief: Our dear friend Ross, passed away mid December. His celebration of life was in ABQ on January 13th… Patrick and I planned to make the drive down and back for the event, knowing we also had to go back Tuesday for appointments. The morning of the service, we would have had to leave at 7 and both woke up feeling like driving down and back was just too much for us. We were so sad to miss our friends celebration but also need to listen to our stress levels and bodies.
Missing out: It’s hard to keep missing out on things… but boundaries are good. Yet, it is so hard! and I think having the need to set limits so much over the last 15 months has made my gauge feel off - I am so tired/sad of missing out on so much and now it’s like I don’t know when I should push myself or when to set boundaries. We’ve missed out on fun, travel, family get togethers, celebrations of all sorts, the ability to focus on grieving losses, concerts/other fun plans. I am a little in my head about it and breathing through and sitting with what feels right sure helps. Slowness and tuning in are important.
With the deposition and prep work, constant travel to Albuquerque, and intense healing that I’m going through, stress levels are high. Our dogs have picked up on it and are acting out with somewhat destructive behavior; we’ve come home to toiletries thrown about the house, body scrub eaten and thrown up… Now whenever I leave the house they get to come with me for a little adventure.
Insurance: In addition to continuing to following up on several appeals to have my dental related care (~$10,000) covered and reimbursed by my BCBS medical plan, I have now received several notices that components of my 10/27/23 eyelid repair and 11/27/2023 jaw reconstruction were not, in fact, covered. So far, the notices don’t mention a charge associated with the parts that weren’t covered, but I have followed up with BCBS representatives to see if I need to do anything. I’ve been informed that I should start formulating appeals for these but haven’t yet done anything as I’m waiting to hear from different representative to see if they agree. UGH! It never ends.
After my mouth appointments on 1/16, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and couldn’t quite put my finger on it. After reflecting more, I realize it is grief - having providers that I get close to, trust with such big and important procedures, see nearly weekly for months, and then our relationship changes so abruptly, is hard. It is like a member of my community is no longer there. Of course my oral surgeon will always be there for me and it isn’t like I will never see him again, but it brings up grief. And new grief experiences reignite the old ones. I also think there’s something about having periods in this recovery where I get to know what is happening, what to expect, have a timeline, and when a milestone passes, I am back in a period of unknown and uncertainty. These shifts are challenging. The milestone I just passed, of having the big jaw reconstruction and healing well enough to be cleared to chew already, is huge! I can feel all of the excitement and happiness and also, the grief and fear that comes up with more unknown. What I do know is that the journey continues!
It has been so wonderful to be able to chew! I’ve eaten things I haven’t been able to eat easily since Oct 16, 2022 like bagels, tacos, quesadilla, salad. It is a funny brain exercise to think about chewing, something I rarely thought about before the accident - just like I re-learned to walk, I am re-learning to chew. And, my chewing ability will evolve both now as I get more comfortable and also as my orthodontic work continues to improve how my top and bottom jaw line up. Exciting stuff!
Disability benefits: I finally got ahold of the person I spoke with back in December about my disability benefits application. On 12/4/23, I spoke with someone who said they needed more information for my application and if I emailed it to her, she would submit it that day. I sent it on 12/5/23 and never heard back. After several attempts at following up via phone calls, voicemails, and email, on 1/17/24 I finally got ahold of her again. She had not submitted the information or even opened the email, apologized causally, and submitted it finally that day. It will take up to 6 months for my application to be reviewed. SIGH.
On the horizon:
1/23: ABQ Eye Surgeon Follow-up
1/24: ABQ Atlas Orthogonal Chiropractor First Appt
1/30: ABQ Orthodontist
1/31: Taos Pain Injection Specialist (it has been 3 months since I’ve seen him!)
2/13: ABQ Orthodontist
2/21: Taos Orthopedic First Appt
TBD week of 3/11: Denver for mediation for lawsuit settlement
